please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
