Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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