Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
