And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
