So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Dick very happy bro
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
