I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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