I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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