I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
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I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
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I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
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