I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
