My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
