Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
