when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize