i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
