i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
