sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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