how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Randomize
