I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
