Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
That was an excessively violent trivia night
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
