fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
