Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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