Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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