You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
