ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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