the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
