I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
