I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
