i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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