i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
