it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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