In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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