I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
