I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
