You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
