Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
