hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
