id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
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She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
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If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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