I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
