dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
