I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
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he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
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I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
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