people are starting to question the shark bite story
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
