My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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