We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Randomize
