I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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