so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
