I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Randomize
