If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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