I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
