No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
