I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
