I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
