she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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