Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
