And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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