4 words: hood of his car
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
