this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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