I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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