this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
