At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
