Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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