where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
