The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Randomize
