Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
