No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
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