in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
