you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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